I have had fun here.
I have had life here.
How do I keep doing that?
This is difficult.

I really like being in Germany and having cross-cultural experiences and meeting new people.
It's the host family part that has always been an issue and continues to be.
I mean, they have done and do so much for me (give me a place to stay, feed me, include me in their family vacation, pay for a month-long german program, shell out 200€ spending money every month)...And what do I do? I was just going to complain about the family, but really, what do I do? I play with the kids. I cook food sometimes. I do light housework.
But we don't really click, and the language is hard, and I'm just a pretty lazy, childish person anyway...I feel really bad now. I've been so wrapped up in my own "emotional turmoil" that I haven't been able to even look at the situation clearly.

I should be happy to be here. I am so lucky to be here, and I should be so grateful. But I have just been whining to anyone who would listen, and holing up in my room with the computer.
I need to start accounting for myself and appreciating what other people are doing for me. I feel like what I do goes unnoticed, but what about everything they are doing for me that I don't take into account? I've been selfish and single-minded.

I feel like my German doesn't really get better when I talk to them, though. And that is one of the main issues in our relationships - me being able to understand them, and communicate what I am thinking/feeling to them. It's hard, because I can understand the basic gyst of what is usually being said (or at least the topic), but the specific details of what they are communicating is usually lost on me. And I don't speak enough (because they are the main people I am around lately and before that, I hung out with a bunch of foreigners who spoke better english than german), so my accent is horrible and getting sentences out right is a chore.

So, yeah. I need to keep keeping other people in mind. Oh, I don't know. You know. Whatever. Learning experiences, etc.