I feel more myself now than I have since I was a wee young lad. It's refreshing but also terrifying because I have to take responsibility for myself. The decisions I make are all for myself and my life. Other people can help me out, but in the end, all responsibilty and decisions rely on me.
My German course has started and so far I'm having a good, interesting time. We are all foreigners and without friends here, so it's kind of like a summer camp in the way that everyone is getting to know each other well and yeah. Not like a regular class at a university or what, where everyone already has their own life. Haha. That doesn't sound right. But you know what I mean.
I'm in the highest level class (oohhh yeaahh), and it's actually harder than I thought it would be - I'm just now realizing how sympathetic my other german teachers were with their speaking. Not with my current teacher. He just speaks richtig Deutsch to us. At first I felt completely over my head, but then I reminded myself that this is not philosophy or politics oder was, it's not an idea I have to understand - it's just a language that I already understand quite well. It is only a language course. The overall meaning of it all is: "this is how we say these things. There are lots of different ways to say things, and you have to memorize and learn them."
So it's nice to have something that is really just like learning and instrument or riding a bike or whatever: just practice. Learn the rules in class, and then practice.
I am definitely missing. Missing people and things. I've already been here about 6 weeks. I miss, but I feel really good here. I am well on my way to conquering the German language. Haha. It's really just...Great to be in a city other than Portland. I think I got really wrapped up in the whole Portland game without even playing it - I just liked the idea of it. I needed to leave to grow and other mushy things about life and experiences. But what I mean is that I am terrified but excited about life and here and everything. I finally feel a driving force behind me - a reason (not sure what that reason is, but it's there) to get up in the morning and do things. To talk to people and make connections and learn things and go new places.
On the plane ride over here, a part of The Lord of The Rings: The Fellowship of The Ring popped into my head. When Sam and Frodo are leaving The Shire to meet up with Gandalf in...Where are they going? Anyway, when they start their journey,
Sam stops and says: "This is it."
Frodo: "What?"
Sam: "If I take one more step, this is the furthest away from home I'll have ever been."
And that's kind of how I've been going. I just keep taking steps.
The further away from home I get, the more I appreciate it for what it is.
Anyway. I am sleepy (it's almost mitternacht) and I have to get up early tomorrow because we're going on a class trip to Lübeck! Lübeck ist eine sehr alte Stadt - like there's buildings still standing from the Middle Ages. A lot of cities in Germany were mostly destroyed in WWII, so buildings that were standing for centuries have now been gone in the last 70 years or so. But in some cities, like Lübeck, they're mostly intact and everyone says it's very beautiful and "perfect for an American". Hahahaha. So I'm excited.
Anyway. guten nacht, whoever reads this.
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