"Was machen wir?"

Frustrated, would be the word I'd use to describe myself right now.
I really just want to check out. I don't know what words to use.
I know that this family and this situation will work better when we're back in town. When everyone's doing their own thing. When I can make friends to go out with and talk to.
I'm not unhappy, just frustrated. And wish that I was staying with the other family we've been hanging out with instead of this one.

I don't know what to do, I'm finally starting to feel like a whole person, but I can't really communicate it, both because of the language, and because of personality differences.
I just feel like they keep pushing me to hang out with the Au Pair next door, which I'm not wholly opposed to, but I would rather be spending this time getting to know them better. But apparently that's not how this family really works. They're really disjointed - the adults hang out together and the kids hang out together and then they have meals together and fight.

And where does that leave me? I feel like I'm constantly bouncing back and forth between the two worlds. The only peace I get is when I ride my bike into town or to the beach at night or take the dog on a walk. Then I don't feel like I'm either being watched and scrutinized or completely ignored. Then it's okay.
And it's okay when we get together with the other family, because they're lustig and open and bring out the good in people. But I get the feeling Anette and Birte don't like them very much, which is just so frustrating because I do genuinely like them.

Wah. Rant. But whatever.
Last night I was at the beach at sunset. It was beautiful. Big, puffy, clouds. And sand castles and cities and sculptures left over from the day. It was like walking through an abandoned city. And then sitting and watching the sun set and doing some writing. Wish my friends were here though! Sure is lonely without y'all. Gloria, I can't wait to meet up with you guys soon. That's gonna make a world of difference.

Anyway, that's the news from this front. It's not all bad, though, I just needed to rant. We have good times.
Also, why is it so RAINY? Totally killin' my groove.